Breast-feeding can be very hard and time-consuming, but it can also be very rewarding. Breast-feeding has not come easy for me. With Alex, I had cracked nipples and excruciating pain every time I nursed him for the first 6 weeks. I mean, my toes curled with the intensity of the pain every time he latched on. I hated nursing. Around 5 weeks, I got mastitis, which in turn lead to an abscess which had to be surgically drained. The infection spread to my joints. I could barely move. The incision was deep and had to heal from the inside out. This meant it had to be packed with gauze twice a day for two months until it finally closed completely. This was intensely painful and so difficult for a young 21-year old mom to deal with. Now 18 years later, that experience still stands out as one of the worst things I've ever been through.
When I got pregnant with Jesikah, I decided that if I was to attempt breast-feeding again, I had to know all there was to know so that this wouldn't happen again. I really wanted to give my child the best food I could which to me meant breast-feeding. I researched, talked to people, and read about breast-feeding the entire 9 months that I was pregnant. When I gave birth, I felt pretty confident that I could do it again. It was a little struggle the first few days, but after that, things went smooth, and I breastfed her without issue for 9 months. Tessa and Jarem both breastfed for a year without incident. In fact, I might have nursed Jarem longer, but he did not want to breastfeed anymore, so he pretty much weaned himself.
Then 8 years later, Micah came along. Initially he didn't gain weight. This scared me cause my other kids were all chubby babies. Was my milk not rich enough? Was I not producing enough? Anyway, I finally figured out that he was just falling asleep and still sucking but not getting anything which was why he was constantly hungry. Once we got over that hump around 6-8 weeks, things were smooth and I didn't anticipate any further breastfeeding issues. My plan was to breastfeed Micah for one year. But, to my surprise, this was not the end of my troubles.
At about 7 months, I got a milk blister. This was something I had never experienced before. It is excruciatingly painful while nursing and it causes clogged ducts because milk gets backed up behind the blister. I read online about it, did the procedure to open the blister, and resolved the problem. Things were fine for about a month, and then it happened again. Same place, same problem. I again repeated what I had done before. It didn't work as well this time, but I finally resolved it. This continued to happen every week or two, each time getting worse. I went to the doctor which was no help at all. I researched online and tried all kinds of different things. Some worked temporarily, but it kept coming back. Finally, when I wasn't able to get the duct unclogged for 3 days, it turned into mastitis and I was in fear of another abscess. I took a course of antibiotics and hoped that this would solve it. I was determined to get through this.
Things would get a little better and then the same place would get clogged again and again. I'd go through the same ordeal trying to get the milk to drain before infection set in. It was very stressful for me and painful too. I did find some essential oils that really helped with the clogged ducts and I thought I may be able to make it to one year. However, the problems did not go away, they got worse. I started having excruciating shooting pains through my breast after every time I nursed that would last sometimes 2-3 hours without letting up and a strange type of growth looking thing appeared on my nipple on the place that kept getting blisters. I was nervous. Was this some sort of cancer growing inside my duct or what was going on?
More reading made me confident that it was either a cancer or it was a fungal infection. I had signs for both. Fungal infections are extremely hard to get rid of because you and your baby constantly pass it back and forth to each other and being a most sugary environment, it just breeds fungus once it starts. I read multiple stories of women going for months without being able to get rid of fungal infections. If it was cancer, I would have to have a nipple biopsy, which would mean I would have to be done breastfeeding. Either way, it seemed to me that the only way to get to the bottom of this was to wean him. I told myself that 10 months is pretty close to a year, so I just as well wean him. So around 10 months, I started to slowly cut down feedings to twice a day. When he got sick and refused all food except breastmilk, I nursed him more, but I still knew that weaning had to be the answer.
I didn't expect to feel this way, but it was heartbreaking for me to wean him. Micah wanted to continue nursing. Not only did he like breast milk, but it was a source of comfort for him. He's never been much of a cuddler, so breastfeeding was my cuddle-time with him and I enjoyed it. I'm not much of a crier, but I even cried a couple of times knowing that this would be my last time nursing him. I had nursed him to sleep at night since he was a baby and he liked that. Anyway, by the day he turned 11 months, he was completely weaned. What hurt the most was when he would still nestle into me and cry when he wanted to nurse. I was so sad that I couldn't give him what he wanted. The first night I put him to bed without nursing, he was so sad, and it hurt my heart. I couldn't even sit with him in the rocking chair where I usually nursed him or he would try to nurse and cry. It was a hard transition for both of us. It broke my heart that I couldn't provide him with that nutrition and comfort anymore.
The good news is, once he was weaned, the growth looking thing dried up and fell off and the pains went away. This means it was the fungal infection that I suspected. It took about a month, but he has now adjusted and doesn't really remember nursing anymore. I moved the rocking chair back into my room. I can read to him or cuddle him in the rocking chair now and he is happy.
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