Thoughts on my Middle-Schooler

Alex, my 13-year old, has been on my mind all morning. My heart is hurting for him. He has struggled the most since we moved from Washington to Tennessee last August. He misses his best friend, Matt, so much, and he also misses Tanner, Nick, Sean, and Kyle a lot. He misses his soccer coach and teacher, Mr. Smith and his basketball coach, Coach Waldron. He was in a good place there with a lot of great friends. Even the other people in his class that weren't his close friends he still misses. He misses everyone in church too.

Alex with his two good friends, Matt and Tanner, at a scout campout before we moved.

Alex with his 3-year soccer coach and 5th grade teacher, Mr. Bill Smith.

One of his last school events before we moved was 6th grade graduation. As part of the graduation, his whole class sang some songs. Since then, anytime anyone tries to listen to those songs he desperately requests for us to turn it off. He doesn't want to see or hear anything that reminds him of all he left behind. Well, yesterday when I came home from picking up the girls, he was watching his 6th grade graduation movie. I was surprised, and glad that he was able to finally watch it. But, the look on his face, just killed me. He was SO sad. He misses them so much.

Matt singing at 6th grade graduation.

Alex and his friend, Kyle, playing a song for 6th grade graduation last year.

Alex is a very shy boy in social situations. When he was about 2 or 3 years old, I would take him to our neighborhood park to play with other kids, and so I could interact with other Moms, and he would cry if there were any other kids there. I would say, "go play", and he would say, "There's kids there." and he would hang on my leg until I took him home. He has gotten better since then, but he still has a hard time getting to know people in a new place. Don't get me wrong though, he can be a very active, rambunctious teenager at home and with the right group of friends.

Starting middle school in a new place would be hard for a lot of kids I think. When you are in elementary, you can at least get comfortable with the kids in your class and you have your teacher as your advocate, but by middle school, most kids have established their friends. You have different kids in every class, and you don't have something like recess to play and interact with people. Alex especially has a hard time since he is not outgoing.

Since we moved here, I have encouraged him to invite someone to do something or come over so he can get to know them, but it has just been out of his comfort zone. In middle school it takes more guts to invite someone to do something. Well, just recently, he has kind of gotten to know this boy at church and he also goes to school with him. On Monday, we had an early out day, and finally Alex got up the guts to ask him it he'd like to come over after school and "hang out". Well, it didn't end up working out and poor Alex felt rejected.

I've tried to encourage him to invite a different boy over that he knows from church. This boy is only about 9 months older than him, but he is 6' 4" and skipped a grade, so he is in 9th grade. Alex feels like he would be too "young" for him, but the boy is still a kid inside and he and Alex have a lot in common. I want to help him, but I don't know how. I asked him if he wanted me to ask him to come over, and he said, "Well, he wouldn't tell you no". Is that something Mom's do? I don't know how to help him make friends. He is really starting to feel like he WANTS friends other than casual friends. He wants someone he can invite over or spend time with outside school, and he NEEDS that interaction. He asked me yesterday, "Why does it have to be so hard?"